Adoption STAR and The Reed Family

Reed baby makes dream come true
By Peter Simon
News Staff Reporter

Buffalo Firefighter Mark P. Reed lost his right leg and was in a coma for 31 days after a chimney collapsed on him while he was fighting an arson fire nearly three years ago.

But the accident never weakened his desire to be a father.

That dream — deferred but not derailed — came true last month, when Reed and his wife, Nancy, adopted newborn Connor Michael Reed, a mild-mannered and inquisitive young man with a full head of wavy hair.

The story of the newly expanded Reed family is one of determination, focus and optimism in the face of adversity.

“The bottom line is that life is what you make of it,” said Nancy Reed, an intensive care nurse at South Buffalo Mercy Hospital. “We wanted to pursue our dream. This was our dream.”

The couple was in the process of adopting a child when Reed was severely injured as he tried to take a hose line through the side door of a vacant Wende Street house torched by a 15- year-old youth in June 2007. He suffered a skull fracture, 35 broken bones, a punctured lung and a brain bleed. Reed was given last rites three times.

Parenthood would have to wait.

“I called the [adoption] agency and told them: ‘You’ve got to put us on hold,’ ” Nancy Reed said.

Mark Reed, now 39, emerged from the coma, got out of the hospital after 52 days, underwent extensive rehabilitation and learned to get around with a computerized prosthesis.

“It was a struggle, but my wife pushed me all the time,” Reed said.

Even during the toughest stretches, adoption remained a goal.

“It was always in the back of our minds,” said Nancy Reed, 42. “We never lost sight of it. It’s an emotional roller coaster, but you never give up hope.”

Meanwhile, the Reeds made enormous progress on other fronts.

Mark Reed volunteers as an ambulance dispatcher in Lancaster-Depew, serves on the Lancaster-Depew emergency management team and volunteers in the trauma unit at Erie County Medical Center, where he was a patient.

“I’m not going to be able to go back to the firehouse, but I’ll always be a firefighter,” he said.

Still, questions remained. Would Mark have the stamina and strength to be an active father? Would the Lancaster couple’s relationship remain strong through the stress of the injuries? Would parenthood retain its appeal?

The answers came through loud and clear: Yes, yes and yes.

If anything, the Reeds’ determination to be parents grew even stronger. It was a goal, an impetus, that helped them work through their adversity.

“We wanted to be absolutely sure we could function again as a family,” Nancy Reed said. “We took a deep breath, looked at each other and said: ‘We’re ready to go.’‚”

Their adoption process was reactivated by Adoption STAR, an agency based in Williamsville. In February, an expectant mother, motivated in large measure by media accounts of the Reeds’ courage and strength, chose them as her child’s prospective adoptive parents.

Within minutes, the Reeds accepted.

“It was euphoric,” Nancy Reed said. “Not only that he’s such a beautiful child, but that someone chose us. Someone entrusted their child to us. It’s ‘Wow!’ I don’t have any words but ‘Wow!’ ”

Connor, who watched quietly as his parents were interviewed for this story at Adoption STAR, is fascinated by a ceiling fan in his house but sometimes raises a squawk when it’s time for a bath.

“We just stare at him all the time,” Nancy Reed said. “It’s a great feeling, every second. He’s the best thing that ever happened to us.”

Connor never lacks for attention. His parents talk to him, read children’s books to him and already tell him about his adoption.

“We want him to grow up healthy, strong and confident about himself,” Nancy Reed said. “We want him to know who he is.”

Nancy Reed used to watch other parents with their kids and feel a nagging fear that she might never be a mother.

Now, she says through tears of joy, “We can put Connor on the bus to school and teach him how to ride a bike.”

Connor’s adoption clicked instantly, said Michele Fried, the founder and chief executive officer of Adoption STAR. It was the 400th adoption arranged by Adoption STAR in the agency’s 10th year of operation.

“This was love at first sight,” Fried said of the Reeds’ adoption. “It was something they were so ready for. They truly are one of the most appreciative couples we’ve ever met.”

While Mark’s accident delayed their adoption, the strength the Reeds summoned as a couple will bolster their parenting skills, Fried said.

“What they went through has prepared them to be stronger parents for whatever parenthood might bring,” Fried said. “I have no doubt they’ll be there every step of the way.”

After taking some time off from her nursing duties, Nancy Reed will return to work at Mercy Hospital and Mark Reed will be a stay-at-home dad.

“My No. 1 priority is being a father,” he said. “This is the reason we’re here — to take care of this little guy.”