Monday, November 9, 2009

Elly's Angels

Earlier in 2009, the Western New York community suffered a devastating event: the crash of Continental Flight 3407: 50 lives were lost and our entire community still
grieves with those families. It’s remarkable that the families are pulling
together to demand government-enforced reforms for airline safety and to also
find special ways to remember their loved ones and memorialize their
lives.

Laura Voigt,sister of the late Elly Kausner, approached Adoption STAR about remembering her dear sister. Elly was a 24-year old second year law student who was interested
in adoption law and was devoted to her young niece and nephews. Elly’s family is establishing the Elly’s Angels Foundation to support the Ellyce Kausner Memorial Scholarship at Clarence High School and Adoption STAR’s special needs adoptions. Cheerleaders from Sub Zero All Star Cheer Teams, including the Sub Zero Flurries (WNY’s only special needs cheerleading squad) are at the heart of the Foundation’s efforts. We are honored that Elly’s family sought out Adoption STAR and that our special needs adoptions have a special angel. Children with special needs who benefit from future generous donations from this foundation will be known as Elly’s Angels.

Monday, November 2, 2009

Adoption Changes Lives In Significant Ways

MY VIEW

Zachary L. Fried: Adoption changes lives in significant ways

Updated: September 18, 2009, 12:13 PM / THE BUFFALO NEWS
Lisa Earle McLeod’s recent commentary about the MTV show “16 and Pregnant” struck a real chord with me. I’m an adult adoptee: my birth mom was 16 years old when I was born. I honor her and thank her for making that difficult and mature decision. In many ways, she saved both our lives, and she helped my family achieve an important dream.

I’m not a devoted fan of this show. Like McLeod, I find some of the “reality” in this show difficult to watch. I’m drawn to speculate on what my life would have been like if my birth mom hadn’t made her choice.

What would my life be like if she had raised me? She was young, not ready to parent and really just a kid herself when I came into her world. I know I would have been loved, but honestly, we all know that love is not enough. I know

there are teens who are responsible, caring and thoughtful enough to begin parenting, but in my case that wasn’t possible.

My birth mom’s selfless act gave me the opportunity to have a life that has always been special. I was the first-born child in my adoptive family’s home. Adoptive and biological children followed— and we became a nine-kid family. My siblings are diverse, funny, frustrating (whose aren’t?), lovable and very much loved by our parents. We don’t all look the same, but we’re blind to the differences as much as we are meshed in our similarities. We are a family regardless of how we came together. Adoption helped build my family.

“16 and Pregnant” paints some very real pictures of how teens perceive their lives, their futures and their pregnancies. It’s a tough reality. The episode McLeod wrote about shows a poignant and sweet slice of adoption life. She described the scene where the birth parents were reviewing the profile of prospective adoptive parents.

Yes, birth parents may have a voice in selecting the adoptive family by reviewing a written and pictorial snapshot of their lives. Reviewing adoptive parent profiles is a curious blend of pragmatism, pure emotion and a trust in your gut when you’re dreaming about the future you want for your child. It’s a powerful decision-making moment.

The show may not be acceptable viewing for everyone, but this particular episode tackles a brave topic in a compelling way. Adoption should be an option for pregnant teens because adoption changes lives in significant, hopeful and optimistic ways. Maintaining openness in adoption—where the birth parents maintain an agreed-upon level of contact with their birth child and the adoptive family — enriches a child’s life with broad experiences and a widely open heart and mind.

Transracial and international adoptions, too, are building a robust and new society. Through “16 and Pregnant,” MTV has the opportunity to encourage more teens to embrace adoption as a positive action and not something filled with shame or secrets: I hope the producers recognize the power of this platform.

I’m proud of my birth mom for making her decision. Because of her, I’m part of a large family including adoptive siblings and a half-biological brother and my birth family, too. They’ll always be part of my life. My adoptive parents gave the life that made me the man I am, including passion for adoption. I recently joined the staff of Adoption STAR as an intake worker and in this role, I hope, I can demonstrate how adoption changes lives.

Saturday, October 3, 2009

Black Babies, White World

Black Babies, White World

By buzzsawmag-import | October 2nd, 2009 | Family, Upfront

Exploring transracial adoption in America

By Emily Stoner

Whenever Karen Wasserman gets a speeding ticket, a million things run through her mind. Pull over in a well-lit area, not on a dark side street where there might not be witnesses. Make sure your hands are where the cop can see them. Don’t make any sudden movements. As a white, Jewish woman from Long Island, Wasserman does not generally have to worry about police brutality. But as the adoptive mother of a black son, she has to be sure to set a good example.

Since her son is growing up without a black role model, Wasserman needs to be hyper-aware of her white privilege. She has nothing to fear when getting pulled over for a speeding ticket, but the situation could be quite different if a black man were driving the car. And so, even though Wasserman has never experienced racism in America, as a responsible parent she must educate herself about the black male experience in order to accurately prepare her son for his future.

“In terms of white parents that have adopted black children, they may be more aware of racism in our country, but they still typically are not fully aware of what their children are experiencing, or the experience of the majority of black people in our country,” said Dr. Kathryn Sweeney, an assistant professor of sociology at Purdue University who is currently working on a research project on white racial ideology.

Wasserman, who adopted her son, Max, 12 years ago, is the executive vice-president of the Adoptive Parents Committee’s board of directors and the co-president of their Long Island chapter. The Adoptive Parents Committee is one of the oldest adoption support groups in the country. Max was adopted domestically and independently, in what Wasserman classified as “a very easy adoption.” Since then, Wasserman has become active in the Adoptive Parents Committee and has learned multitudes about both race and motherhood.

“I had to learn a lot about raising children of another race,” Wasserman said. “As a parent, you have to be very confident in the decision that you made, because something, sometime will come up and you have to be able to handle it.
“We have to be aware that our kids didn’t grow up in our world,” Wasserman continued. “Our world is not their world.”

According to Michele Fried, the founder of Adoption STAR, an adoption agency based in Western New York, the challenges of transracial adoption are overwhelming when parents are not educated about issues related to adoption and race. Prospective parents must attend classes for five weeks and complete nightly homework assignments in order to adopt through Adoption STAR.

Fried’s 22-year-old son Zachary is living proof that her focus on education and racial awareness throughout the adoption process is effective. He and a younger adopted brother are black, while Michele Fried and her husband are white. Zachary says he never felt uncomfortable with his non-traditional, transracial family.

Wasserman, a single mother, is also the singles and non-traditionals chair of the Adoptive Parents Committee. When she first began going to meetings at the APC, it was mostly made up of couples.

“Although I was welcomed I felt really out of place,” Wasserman said. “As time went by and I became a little more active within the organization, I formed my own [singles] group.” Gays and lesbians, recognizing that they also have unique experiences with adoption and parenthood, became the “non-traditional” part of the subhead.

“[Singles and non-traditionals] often have very different challenges than heterosexual couples,” Wasserman said. “I think single parents are more often pushed into a corner to accept special needs children, as are gays and lesbians, than are heterosexual couples. And these parents actually have less resources to deal with it.”

Fried and her husband are the adoptive parents of five children, some of whom have special needs. The Frieds also have four biological children. Although members of this family have different racial heritages and are not tied together by blood, Fried and her husband were always upfront about their children’s adoptions and how good it was that they were all brought together.

“I think we all were just aware from the beginning that adoption is a positive thing,” said Zachary, the eldest in the family. “Kids were never just told at some random point that they were adopted. It was built in just like getting dressed every day. We all knew who we were, who we were as a family.”

According to Sweeney, it is important for adoptive parents to be open and upfront about their child’s adoption, birth family, race and heritage.

“People who adopted in the earlier waves of international adoption tended to ignore that their children were of a different race,” Sweeney said. “They would pretend that they were just like them. [Today], white parents, in particular, white mothers, try to learn about the culture that their child is from.”

“Often times people are growing up in a very white, isolated community and are one of few people of color,” Sweeney continued. “Some parents have tried to create relationships with other people of the same race or ethnicity to have those relationships with their child, to help in that way, perpetuating culture.”

But Zachary was able to go one step further than occasionally meeting with other African-Americans in his community. Zachary’s adoption was an open adoption, where communication between him, his birth parents and his adoptive parents remained open. He says that communication with his birth family is not constant, but “at least we have the option.”

“My birth family has always seemed like extended family, like cousins that you sometimes see,” Zachary said.

Wasserman’s adoption of Max was a closed adoption, so he does not currently have the opportunity to communicate with his birth parents. However, as Wasserman puts it, the adoption experience has been “so far, so good.”

One time after school, some of Max’s friends asked him why he was black when his mother is white. As he recounted the story to his mother later in the day, she was nervous to hear how he had responded. “I think there’s a huge responsibility on the parents to give that confidence to their children,” Wasserman said. She soon realized she had nothing to worry about.

“I told them you were born that way,” Max had said.

However, Sweeney argues that adoptive parents rarely are able to comprehend the extent of their children’s racial experiences. Parents often worry about how to deal with their children facing racism that they cannot understand.

Transracial adoption brings up many issues of race and identity, and a focus on education and awareness – not simply pretending every family member is of the same race – will help transracial adoptees grow up confident in their non-traditional roles as, like Max and Zachary, black men in white families.

“The dominant ideology is a colorblind ideology, where we’re not supposed to even talk about race,” Sweeney said. “Does it mean that you’re racist somehow if you even recognize race?”

Hopefully, transracial families will realize that the acknowledgement of race is not the same thing as racism and will choose to discuss racial issues to better their family’s adoption experience. Communication, education and an acknowledgement of differences can help transracial families both celebrate their differences and bind themselves together as a family.

“Love can’t help everything through parenthood,” Fried said. “You cannot go in colorblind, and love is just not enough.”
__________________________________
Emily Stoner is a junior journalism major. E-mail her at estoner1@ithaca.edu.

Monday, September 7, 2009

NEPAL international adoption program

The NEPAL program is an exciting international adoption option for those who wish to adopt a toddler or older child. For more information visit the link below:

http://www.adoptionstar.com/childplacement_nepal.php

Overview

Adoption S.T.A.R. is one of only a few agencies in the United States to be approved by the Ministry of Women, Children and Social Welfare and the Recommendation and Supervision Board of Nepal. It is estimated that the process can take less than one year from application to completion.

For information on Nepal’s geography, history, language, climate, cuisine, children available, adoptive parent eligibility and travel requirements.

How long does it take to adopt?

Depending upon the current efficiency of USCIS (U.S. Citizen and Immigration Services), anticipate that your dossier will be ready to send to Nepal 2-5 months following your initial application. After your dossier is submitted to Nepal, a specific child's referral should be sent to the agency matching your particular requests and fitting your family's situation according to Nepalese restrictions. Referral time varies and may be 1-6 months based on the age and sex of child requested.

How is a child assigned to me?

Referrals will be made by the Nepal Family Selection Board and approved by the Ministry. Once the agency receives the child's referral, picture and medical report, we notify you immediately. If you decide to pursue adoption of that particular child, we will send a letter to Nepal specifically allocating that child to your family. That simply means that the child is formally pulled out of the adoption pool for your family and will not have another family pursuing adoption of that particular child.

What are the advantages of adopting from Nepal?

Nepal adoption programs have been popular because the time frame to adopt is usually under 1 year. In addition with the decreasing adoptions in other Asian countries, Nepal is a wonderful adoption option for many families.

What is the process?

  • Complete home study and CIS form I-600A
  • Gather documents for your dossier and submit them to Adoption S.T.A.R. for certification. (This step can be completed simultaneously with the home study.)
  • Dossier is sent to Nepal, translated, and submitted to the Ministry.
  • Referrals will be made by the Family Selection Board and approved by the Ministry. Adoption S.T.A.R. will be sent the child's referral, picture and medical report. You will be given an opportunity to decide if the referral is acceptable to you.
  • Upon acceptance of the referred child, the Adoption Guarantee Letter from the U.S. Embassy will be procured. Once the letter is issued, it is submitted to the Ministry for processing. Following approval, you are invited to Nepal to finalize the adoption.
  • Travel 6 to 7 months after accepting the referral. The stay in Nepal is usually about twelve business days. During which time you will finalize the adoption in person at the Ministry. The Ministry will issue the final adoption decree and all travel documentation for the child will be gathered to complete for the U.S. Immigrant Visa appointment. In Nepal, an adoption is finalized before entrance into the United States.
  • Bring your child home.
  • In addition to the required post placement, Nepal requires annual letters until the child is 16 years of age.

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Adoption STAR founder to receive award

http://buffalo.bizjournals.com/buffalo/stories/2009/07/27/daily25.html

Women of Influence award winners were announced by Business First on July 29. Business First will present awards to area women who have made contributions to the community in 10 categories. Michele Fried (Adoption STAR’s founder and CEO) is one of four community professionals who will receive the Entrepreneur Award which honors women who are the chief executive, president or founder of a company or business venture that they helped start, build or significantly grow.
To read the announcement go to: http://buffalo.bizjournals.com/buffalo/stories/2009/07/27/daily25.html?surround=etf
The Women of Influence Awards will be presented to 24 women on September 24 at Salvatore’s Italian Gardens. The awards recognize the business acumen and community spirit of these women, Business First Publisher Jack Connors said. “The panel chose these women based on their ability to rise above a very talented pool of competitors,” Connors said. “We’re honored to recognize their accomplishments.”