Adoption Changes Lives In Significant Ways

MY VIEW

Zachary L. Fried: Adoption changes lives in significant ways

Updated: September 18, 2009, 12:13 PM / THE BUFFALO NEWS
Lisa Earle McLeod’s recent commentary about the MTV show “16 and Pregnant” struck a real chord with me. I’m an adult adoptee: my birth mom was 16 years old when I was born. I honor her and thank her for making that difficult and mature decision. In many ways, she saved both our lives, and she helped my family achieve an important dream.

I’m not a devoted fan of this show. Like McLeod, I find some of the “reality” in this show difficult to watch. I’m drawn to speculate on what my life would have been like if my birth mom hadn’t made her choice.

What would my life be like if she had raised me? She was young, not ready to parent and really just a kid herself when I came into her world. I know I would have been loved, but honestly, we all know that love is not enough. I know

there are teens who are responsible, caring and thoughtful enough to begin parenting, but in my case that wasn’t possible.

My birth mom’s selfless act gave me the opportunity to have a life that has always been special. I was the first-born child in my adoptive family’s home. Adoptive and biological children followed— and we became a nine-kid family. My siblings are diverse, funny, frustrating (whose aren’t?), lovable and very much loved by our parents. We don’t all look the same, but we’re blind to the differences as much as we are meshed in our similarities. We are a family regardless of how we came together. Adoption helped build my family.

“16 and Pregnant” paints some very real pictures of how teens perceive their lives, their futures and their pregnancies. It’s a tough reality. The episode McLeod wrote about shows a poignant and sweet slice of adoption life. She described the scene where the birth parents were reviewing the profile of prospective adoptive parents.

Yes, birth parents may have a voice in selecting the adoptive family by reviewing a written and pictorial snapshot of their lives. Reviewing adoptive parent profiles is a curious blend of pragmatism, pure emotion and a trust in your gut when you’re dreaming about the future you want for your child. It’s a powerful decision-making moment.

The show may not be acceptable viewing for everyone, but this particular episode tackles a brave topic in a compelling way. Adoption should be an option for pregnant teens because adoption changes lives in significant, hopeful and optimistic ways. Maintaining openness in adoption—where the birth parents maintain an agreed-upon level of contact with their birth child and the adoptive family — enriches a child’s life with broad experiences and a widely open heart and mind.

Transracial and international adoptions, too, are building a robust and new society. Through “16 and Pregnant,” MTV has the opportunity to encourage more teens to embrace adoption as a positive action and not something filled with shame or secrets: I hope the producers recognize the power of this platform.

I’m proud of my birth mom for making her decision. Because of her, I’m part of a large family including adoptive siblings and a half-biological brother and my birth family, too. They’ll always be part of my life. My adoptive parents gave the life that made me the man I am, including passion for adoption. I recently joined the staff of Adoption STAR as an intake worker and in this role, I hope, I can demonstrate how adoption changes lives.